I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
