You really coming over, don't trick.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
