Swine flu. Run for my life!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
