his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
