Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
