your parents love me but you hate me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
