apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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