Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
