evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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