we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
