What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
