one might say we're banned from that church
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
