can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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