hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
