2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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