Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
