His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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