Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
