I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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