Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
