you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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