So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
