Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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