i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
