plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
