I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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