i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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