i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
