dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
