I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
