just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
