So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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