did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
