guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
