After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
