Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
