I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
