i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
