i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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