he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
