There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There r osticjed everywhere
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
