Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
