Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
