So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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