is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
