Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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