Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
