i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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