I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
