I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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