i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
did i just pee glitter
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
