There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
