It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
