So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
