i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
