I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
