i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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