I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
