My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
