the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
where are you?
Hypothermia
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
